You know it's hard to really express how you are feeling on a blog. When I wrote the last one, I was not devastated or as low as I have been, I was actually feeling indifferent (whether that's good or bad, who knows). One thing, I have been wrestling with is why I am in such a hurry to have kids? I enjoy my life now, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don't have to make my schedule around anyone else. Josh and I were talking the other night, and he said I think it is because you don't think you can, it's a challenge to you. At first, I was was like no way, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. I don't like being told no or feeling like I can't accomplish something I put my mind to. So I do what is natural to me, and I try to find out everything I can about why my body is not cooperating. I have tried who knows how many things, but I think a lot of them were for the wrong reasons. I want to know that I CAN get pregnant and have a healthy baby. I think if I knew that I'd be fine with the timing. Ha, ironic isn't it. I don't want getting pregnant to be something to cross off my to do list. I have been praying for contentment with where I am now. Can't wait to see how this all works out...
Oh, and we are having a girls night tonight. I'm SOOOOO excited. It's been way to long, and we are going to one of my favorite places Loca Luna. Can't wait to get some girlfriend time in!!
6 comments:
I think Josh could be on to something, but of course it's always more complicated than that. He knows you so well, Summer. Looking forward to seeing you both next weekend!
I know this blog was written in all seriousness but it was amusing to me. I think because of the list thing. I like to do that too just finish things so I can cross them off my list so that are hanging over me. I love you, Summer. Ready to see you again.
Relax, enjoy your life now and continue praying! God will take care of us...even helping us with those things we want to mark off our "list".
Wow, what a great post! Thanks for sharing how you feel. & if it makes you feel any better, I am/would/will be the same way. I admit that I am a "planner" and if something doesn't go as planned, its hard to deal with. I always have to remind myself that my plan doesn't even compare to God's plan! Thank you for the reminder! It always helps to know that someone struggles with the same things you do ...maybe not the same situation right now but definitely the same thoughts. I love you and I am really looking forward to this weekend!! oh, & girls night was fantastic!
There is the Summer I know and love! FOCUS on the positive!! You have tons of wonderful things going for you.. a nice house, a stable job, a wonderful husband, A GREAT GROUP OF FRIENDS, and a wonderful support system! Let that be the happiness in your life. Everything else is out of your control :) Love what you have, when you have it -- and be thankful when new blessings come - WHATEVER those blessing might be :)
JENNY
DITTO to everything Jenny said! I think you are developing such a mature mindset and just think how far you have come. Love you and it was great to see you this past weekend!
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